Host, leader, cheats at cards
- Mental age: 18 and a half
- 3 items on a desert island: Psychedelic mushrooms, an axe, Natalie Portman
- First music purchase: Michael jackson, Off the Wall
- Likely death post-1001: Awkward silence when he works out he only has button mushrooms and is trying to make conversation with Natalie, holding an axe.
Music died after 1997
- Mental age: Listens to Radio 4.
- First music purchases: The Bartman, Bart Simpson
- 3 items on a desert island: Whisky, inflatable ladyfriend, puncture repair kit
- Likely death post-1001: Beaten to death with a cricket bat and you know he’d never stop with that smug grin all the way through it
- Mental age: 10
- First music purchase: Wild, wild west soundtrack
- 3 items on a desert island: Assuming there are locals, a love potion, cannibal cook book and a wad of non-disclosure agreements
- Likely death post-1001: Stoned to death by upsetting island natives
Won’t shut up about going to glasto as a kid
- Mental age: Listens to Radio 6.
- First music purchases: Whoa Nelly, Nelly Furtado
- 3 items on a desert island: A pot of fancy hummus, a giant chickpea on a stick called Wilspea, a guitar to serenade Wilspea.
- Likely death post-1001: Revenge killing by Wilspea for eating his fellow Brethren. All hail Wilspea.