Episode 2 – The Faceless

Ask yourself this question: Do I need a face? If you answered yes, then you’re probably ridiculously good-looking. However, for all those ugly mugs out there, fear not! Having a face that’s really only fit for the night-shift on local radio is no barrier to becoming world famous and loaded! I’m not making any promises y’know, one day in your therapy session you’ll have to remove the helmet/hockey mask/artistic eyeball & hat combination and tell all your problems to the sock puppet, which by the way has just scored a major number 3 in the Mongolian freestyle jazz charts!

In this episode, we discuss the music you can’t put a face to. From the far-out world of The Residents to the dancefloor classics of Daft Punk via the disgusting glory of Slipknot’s self-titled album. this episode has it all and in such a small package…you’re welcome!

“Yeah…yeah…I dunno some luvvie harking on about discordant harmonics….I know right, load of bollocks..yeah….anyway Tel, I’ll do it for 150 + VAT…yeah…just add it to the cost of the cistern and flush and I’ll sort you out tomorrow….yeah, hopefully there’ll be something in the episode guide that’s actually listenable to…anyway Tel, I’ll speak to you soon…yeah…150 + VAT….be lucky!”

Cool Britannia

They said it couldn’t be done, they said no-one wanted it, they said there were too many legal battles and too many illegitimate children from season 1. But yes, it’s here, it’s big, we’re discussing the questions that genuinely no-one is asking….welcome to Season 2!

Episode 1….Cool Britannia!

Britain has been a band-producing factory from the days of court chamber music of Henry 8th right through to those modern bands you see on phone adverts. In-between Britain has produced, pioneered and innovated much of the music we know and love and exported it all over the world. Even to America!

In Episode 1 we examine what all this meant…and was British music any good?

In this episode we deep-dive into the following albums

  • The Rolling Stones, 1st Album (4:15)
  • Dire Straits, Brothers in Arms (16:52)
  • Oasis, (What’s the story) Morning Glory (38:27)

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this episode then maybe you’re an original 40s blues guitarist who didn’t see that freight-train a comin’ or perhaps a baker who wants to know what a damn commie metric system can do for you. I can’t promise you help or salvation as there is no god. No, there definitely isn’t…but there is an Episode Guide to hear many more amazingnesses!

Climb aboard Danté…!

Some say…he started as a fluffer on the Punch and Judy Show. And some say…he’s the real cause of all shopping trolleys in the canals of Britain.

This week, we release a special medley of Danté and the foaming peaks songs from the first series! (See below)

But first, we received a lot of lovely letters from some lovely young school children for Danté!

Thomas Higginbottom (Aged 6) Dante, how do you sing so nice?

Danté: My mother force fed me vanilla ice cream and made me chew tobacco from a young age. By the time I was your age Thomas, I was so heavy my bed required reinforcing, but I could will Chaffinches to my hand using only my sweet harmonies. It was my only other source of food.

Michael Shrewshound (Aged 5) Danté, when did you first want to play music?

Danté: Well Michael, the only two records in the house were Liberace, Live at the Hollywood Bowl and Campfire songs of the Hitler Youth. So I sang and sang all day and all night and we got a lot of strange people coming to the door. I never knew my singing touched so many people and knew that one day it would be my dream to play for thousands.

Gertrude Finch-Hatton (Aged 4 3/4) Danté, Who’s your favourite artist?

Danté: Gertrude, for years I was forced to recite Chris de Burgh…even his lounge phase. Despite the horror, pain and suffering anyone would experience from this , it’s now become impossible to be arouse…i mean enjoy listening to any other artist. It’s like Stockholm syndrome.

Harry Ponsonby-Smythe (Aged 7) Danté, my daddy says you’re always in the papers and they say nasty things about you and the things you do in phone boxes.

Dante: No more questions!

Drawn by Chris, age 34

Preview: Season 2!

Coming October 5th 2020

So us guys were on our break the other day…kicking around, drinking coke, flipping coins, looking really real bad-ass. We then get a call, Danny scrabbled like a sissy trying to get his phone out of his pocket to answer it, but he had some pretty embarassing notifications from his porn app and took the call around the corner.

He came back screaming and laughing and tears streaming down his face. Incredibly, the producers of the show decided that we deserved another series. Yes depsite the law cases, despite the whining, despite the bickering, our demands for only premium baby oil….we got another series.

So, young listeners, whilst we listen to some more music, write some funny tunes and get our orders in for posh booze to look smug with we can let you know Series 2, Episode 1 will be…

Cool Britannia!

(or why it takes a Brit to show the Americans why their music is so good and why you can’t trust a load of surly teenagers in ill-fitting jumpers in a garage to like quality music because all they want to do is play 4 stupid power chords, their sports have 4 quarters and they use silly imperial measurements for everything)

Episode 15 I’ll show you mine if you show me yours

In the season finale, we turn the loaded revolver of music commentary on ourselves!
Like a particularly sadistic classroom show-and-tell, we each bring an album to the table that we feel has been incorrectly omitted from the list of 1001 albums you must hear before you die!

We discover which artist sounds like a sealion in a sticky situation, which artist sounds like mashed potato…and what the f*ck is karate rock!?

In this episode we deep dive into these 4 criminally ignored albums…

  • Bryan Adams, Reckless (1:16)
  • Wheatus, Wheatus (16:39)
  • Fight like apes, Fight like apes and the mystery of the golden medallion (28:14)
  • Bon Iver, Bon Iver (44:23)

Obviously, we didn’t get through this series voluntarily; this has been a task forced upon us like a fat stripper at a rapidly deteriorating stag do. Whilst we get Series 2 warmed up for you, maybe you should check out the emotional rollercoaster of Series 1, with our many therapy sess…episodes, in our handy episode guide

Episode 14 Kraft doesn’t work

Does Sting have the prettiest forehead in rock? What happens when rubber meets the road and someone records it? 

This week we deep-dive into these 3 albums

  • Nina Simone – Wild is the wind (1:50)
  • Kraftwerk – Autobahn (14:40)
  • The Police – Regatta de Blanc (28:28)

I know what you’re thinking…did they discuss 4 albums, or only 3? To tell you the truth in all the excitement, I kind of lost count myself. Seeing as though this is a 1001 podcast, the most powerful podcast in the world and could blow your mind clean off, you have to ask yourself one question: Do I want to listen to more podcasts? Well do ya?! Punk!

Better do as the nice man says folks…Here’s the episode guide for more fun!

Episode 13 Get your hands off the wall

Is having a milkman hipster? Does the milkman deliver Jesus juice? Was Jesus juice involved in Chris’ conception? Which artist made Marvin Gaye sound like Ford Fiesta driving on gravel?

Oh, and in other news….ladies and gentlemen, The Darkness!

This week we deep-dive into these 3 albums

  • Michael Jackson, Off the wall (1:54)
  • The Flaming Lips, Soft bulletin (18:01)
  • The Darkness, Permission to land (34:24)

Amazing, wasn’t it? A lot of people are saying this is the best episode ever, it really is, I mean everybody is talking about it. Except those guys over on that other podcast channel, i mean FAKE NEWS people, they don’t respect us. LOOOOOSERS. WE ARE THE BIG LEAGUES, i mean phenomenal, best ever. Check out more bigly, bigly episodes over here. Amazing.

Episode 12 The weird one

This episode we take a wander through the oddball freak show of music. All musicians are either freaks, eccentrics or drug takers. See if you can tell which are which!

This week we explore

  • The Mothers of Invention, Freak Out (1:32)
  • Kate Bush, The Dreaming (9:13)
  • The Boards of Canada, Music has the right to children (19:41)

It’s time to come clean…you’re addicted to podcasts, aren’t you? Want to go one step further and secretly go into the bathroom to listen, maybe away from your partner, pretending you’re constipated to buy more time to get your hit? It’s a great strategy! Let us feed your dirty habit with many other podcasts in our handy episode guide and articles index!

Led Zeppelin 1

This is the album that killed the 60s.

9 songs and 48 minutes and we could finally let go of sodding lace cravats.

Led Zeppelin began as a musical mission sent by God (Jimmy Page). Growing up around Clapton, Beck and 100s of blues records, Page went on to be one of the most prolific session musicians on the 60s scene. This experience and exposure to many music styles, artist’s mindsets and improvisation ability crafted one of Britain’s greatest axeman….now he only needed some handy mates to realise it.

Following his exit from the Yardbirds, Page founded Led Zeppelin with fellow band members Robert Plant (Vocals), Jon Bonham (Drums) and John Paul Jones (Everything else).

The first album was entirely self-funded by Page and ex-wrestler and now manager Peter Grant. This allowed complete creative control and production with the band. First thing, what an amazing level of confidence and belief in their project – As a band they knew exactly what they wanted to achieve and the step forward music needed to take.

The sixties gave birth to so many ideas and genres, however few of these had really fused outside its own musical silo. Folk was for hippies, Rock was for bikers, singer/songwriters were in some Californian woodhouse somewhere and Soul was owned in full by Motown. The Beatles, Zappa and Hendrix had started to fuse these elements but only superficially. Along came a band called Zep.

Led Zeppelin 1 features old time rock n’ roll, classic blues, and Norse/Celtic folk. Each of these genres has the pure sound of itself, yet fused in amongst each other and delivered through a WALL OF SOUND that were the 4 best musicians at what they did. Clapton? He was busy doing 12-minute random blue scales practice. Moon? He was busy cleaning his Rolls in outdoor pools. Hendrix? Yeeeeeeah you got a point, but he had checked out of England at this point…America for some reason now like him. Hendrix may have been the greatest flamboyant guitarist of all time but he none of the breadth that Page had.

Every track, be it rock, folk or blues sounds like the best version of that genre – The folk of Black mountain side beats Pentangle, Communication Breakdown trumps anything from the Who and even the oldest skool blues man in a rocking chair on a veranda who just woke up that morning to see his wife leave, and it started raining heard Dazed and Confused and thought ‘Damn, boy!’

There is such a signature sound, which is unmistakable Led Zep: Earth-moving riffs, kick-ass solos, spectral harmonies, and the Herculean vocals of Robert Plant, yelling out across a crowd of 10,000s. All this, yet nothing sounds excessive; every riff, every chord, every vocal scream is well-chosen and well-timed. It manages to sound like an academic music case study…yet it also just f*king rocks!

Funnily enough like any typical music journalists, they didn’t like it. Rolling Stone panned it with criticism of the production, writing skills and compared them to the lesser versions of the Jeff Beck Group and Rod Stewart. Thankfully, normal people such as the public violently disagreed and bought the album and made them into a highly successful live act.

Led Zep began their shaping of their discography with only releasing one token single to appease a record company, preferring the album to be listened to as a whole – another landmark album in not just a set of singles and filler, but as a journey of peaks and valleys.

Led Zeppelin’s legacy and influence

  • Helped paved the way for most stadium rock groups
  • Opened the door for heavy metal
  • Gave the album entity serious credence and a new battleground in shifting vinyl
  • Gilded the lead guitarist in a band with a new status of a struttin’, wieldin’, foot-on-monitor god
  • Made the Alpha-male front man into the mullet-banshee powerhouse we all love
  • Gave ‘the other one’ mystical status with keyboards and school percussion box
  • Somebody actually noticed the drummer

Quite simply, Led Zeppelin 1 is the finest 1st album from any rock band. No other band had the vision, the musicianship, the scale, the delivery or the courage of their own conviction.

  • Song of the album: Dazed & Confused
  • Score: 5/5

Want to hear what else we said about it? Of course you do. Listen to the full episode here.

Episode 11 Would sir care for some dessert rock?

This week we discover how Nick Drake is not Nikki Sixx or Daniel Bedingfield. We also discuss vegan fighting terms and what is the most affectionate song to cannabis…? Ever!

We deep dive into these brilliant and terrible albums:

  • Nick Drake, Five leaves left (1:12)
  • The Pixies, Surfer Rosa (15:42)
  • Queens of the stone age, 1st album (32:32)

If you hated this episode, maybe you just hate music…awwww just kidding, maybe you should take a look at our other better episodes with your favourite artist! Who we hate.

Listen along to the albums, be amazed, disgusted and then comment below. We may even read your comment and fire one of us and replace them with you.