Episode 6 The Sex Machines

For years and years and years and years musicians sang about love, being a ding-a-ling and generally getting on well with Mary Whitehouse. However, there were some filthmongers who just had to bring in the subject of sex. Yes, it’s filthy, isn’t it?

True Fact: Famous musicians are humans who not only hold hands but also make babies. In fact, that scene you saw in the Motley Crue documentary was probably just scratching the surface.

Well, in this episode we discover musicians who pioneered the whole sordid business and encouraged you lot to exchange bodily fluids. You disgust me.

In this episode, we deep-dive into the following albums

  • James Brown, Live at the Apollo (1963) 1:01
  • Serge Gainsbourg, Melody (1971) 11:13
  • Madonna, Like a Prayer (1989) 20:01

“Pull my finger”

“That’s a podcast

“Dude! Pull my finger”

*Sighs and pulls finger*

“Oh man! That stinks”

Episode 5 One-hit Wonders

60% of the time, it works every time! Or in the case of our acts today, just the once. But hey, what a great one idea that was…! Orrrrr was it? 

One hit wonders pepper the bountiful, rich history of music like the fleeting song of garden bird, or perhaps the loud shenanigans and bloodcurdling scream of a drive-by. Either way, this episode looks at those acts which stumbled upon true greatness for one time in their lives before going off to lick the wounds of decline, comfort eat or maybe tour working men’s clubs with those tacky boards with built-in flashing lights.

This week we excuse police brutality, find out who was Batman’s house band …and for some reason ignore both Chesney and Rick Astley!

  • The Mamas & The Papas, If you can believe your eyes and ears (2:00)
  • The B-52s, The B-52s (9:00)
  • The Meat Puppets, II (14:05)

“I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle”

“You forgot to say podcasts…”

Episode 4 Who? What..?

In this episode we examine the ridiculous tongue twisters and crazy names of the album world. Is throbbing gristle secretly a metaphor for bacon flavoured contraceptives? We find out the answers to the questions you didn’t even know existed!

This week we ponder and muse over the following albums

  • Throbbing Gristle, D.O.A Third and final report (1978) (1:08)
  • The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy, Hypocrisy Is The Greatest Luxury (7:53)
  • Dr. Octagon, Dr. Octagonecologyst (13:03)

Oh, Mr. Podcasts….surely you want to kiss me?

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn! And don’t call me Shirley!

Episode 3 Gone too soon

The 27 club features many of the great music legends that died in their prime, never allowing them the opportunity to do adverts for takeaway apps and car commercials.

In this episode we ask did these music icons deserve entry, is Chris completely delusional, will Simon ever give up his lycra-filled, smoke-machine destiny and which artist sounds like a squashed frog through a kazoo?

This week, we deep-dive into the following albums

  • Are you experienced?, The Jimi Hendrix Experience (3:26)
  • Nevermind, Nirvana (21:58)
  • Back to Black, Amy Winehouse (37:57)

“You hang up…”

“No you hang up…”

“No you hang up…”

“No you hang up…”

“No you hang up…”

“Hey wanna listen to podcasts?”

*Hangs up*

Episode 2 – The Faceless

Ask yourself this question: Do I need a face? If you answered yes, then you’re probably ridiculously good-looking. However, for all those ugly mugs out there, fear not! Having a face that’s really only fit for the night-shift on local radio is no barrier to becoming world famous and loaded! I’m not making any promises y’know, one day in your therapy session you’ll have to remove the helmet/hockey mask/artistic eyeball & hat combination and tell all your problems to the sock puppet, which by the way has just scored a major number 3 in the Mongolian freestyle jazz charts!

In this episode, we discuss the music you can’t put a face to. From the far-out world of The Residents to the dancefloor classics of Daft Punk via the disgusting glory of Slipknot’s self-titled album. this episode has it all and in such a small package…you’re welcome!

“Yeah…yeah…I dunno some luvvie harking on about discordant harmonics….I know right, load of bollocks..yeah….anyway Tel, I’ll do it for 150 + VAT…yeah…just add it to the cost of the cistern and flush and I’ll sort you out tomorrow….yeah, hopefully there’ll be something in the episode guide that’s actually listenable to…anyway Tel, I’ll speak to you soon…yeah…150 + VAT….be lucky!”

Cool Britannia

They said it couldn’t be done, they said no-one wanted it, they said there were too many legal battles and too many illegitimate children from season 1. But yes, it’s here, it’s big, we’re discussing the questions that genuinely no-one is asking….welcome to Season 2!

Episode 1….Cool Britannia!

Britain has been a band-producing factory from the days of court chamber music of Henry 8th right through to those modern bands you see on phone adverts. In-between Britain has produced, pioneered and innovated much of the music we know and love and exported it all over the world. Even to America!

In Episode 1 we examine what all this meant…and was British music any good?

In this episode we deep-dive into the following albums

  • The Rolling Stones, 1st Album (4:15)
  • Dire Straits, Brothers in Arms (16:52)
  • Oasis, (What’s the story) Morning Glory (38:27)

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this episode then maybe you’re an original 40s blues guitarist who didn’t see that freight-train a comin’ or perhaps a baker who wants to know what a damn commie metric system can do for you. I can’t promise you help or salvation as there is no god. No, there definitely isn’t…but there is an Episode Guide to hear many more amazingnesses!

Climb aboard Danté…!

Some say…he started as a fluffer on the Punch and Judy Show. And some say…he’s the real cause of all shopping trolleys in the canals of Britain.

This week, we release a special medley of Danté and the foaming peaks songs from the first series! (See below)

But first, we received a lot of lovely letters from some lovely young school children for Danté!

Thomas Higginbottom (Aged 6) Dante, how do you sing so nice?

Danté: My mother force fed me vanilla ice cream and made me chew tobacco from a young age. By the time I was your age Thomas, I was so heavy my bed required reinforcing, but I could will Chaffinches to my hand using only my sweet harmonies. It was my only other source of food.

Michael Shrewshound (Aged 5) Danté, when did you first want to play music?

Danté: Well Michael, the only two records in the house were Liberace, Live at the Hollywood Bowl and Campfire songs of the Hitler Youth. So I sang and sang all day and all night and we got a lot of strange people coming to the door. I never knew my singing touched so many people and knew that one day it would be my dream to play for thousands.

Gertrude Finch-Hatton (Aged 4 3/4) Danté, Who’s your favourite artist?

Danté: Gertrude, for years I was forced to recite Chris de Burgh…even his lounge phase. Despite the horror, pain and suffering anyone would experience from this , it’s now become impossible to be arouse…i mean enjoy listening to any other artist. It’s like Stockholm syndrome.

Harry Ponsonby-Smythe (Aged 7) Danté, my daddy says you’re always in the papers and they say nasty things about you and the things you do in phone boxes.

Dante: No more questions!

Drawn by Chris, age 34

Preview: Season 2!

Coming October 5th 2020

So us guys were on our break the other day…kicking around, drinking coke, flipping coins, looking really real bad-ass. We then get a call, Danny scrabbled like a sissy trying to get his phone out of his pocket to answer it, but he had some pretty embarassing notifications from his porn app and took the call around the corner.

He came back screaming and laughing and tears streaming down his face. Incredibly, the producers of the show decided that we deserved another series. Yes depsite the law cases, despite the whining, despite the bickering, our demands for only premium baby oil….we got another series.

So, young listeners, whilst we listen to some more music, write some funny tunes and get our orders in for posh booze to look smug with we can let you know Series 2, Episode 1 will be…

Cool Britannia!

(or why it takes a Brit to show the Americans why their music is so good and why you can’t trust a load of surly teenagers in ill-fitting jumpers in a garage to like quality music because all they want to do is play 4 stupid power chords, their sports have 4 quarters and they use silly imperial measurements for everything)

Episode 15 I’ll show you mine if you show me yours

In the season finale, we turn the loaded revolver of music commentary on ourselves!
Like a particularly sadistic classroom show-and-tell, we each bring an album to the table that we feel has been incorrectly omitted from the list of 1001 albums you must hear before you die!

We discover which artist sounds like a sealion in a sticky situation, which artist sounds like mashed potato…and what the f*ck is karate rock!?

In this episode we deep dive into these 4 criminally ignored albums…

  • Bryan Adams, Reckless (1:16)
  • Wheatus, Wheatus (16:39)
  • Fight like apes, Fight like apes and the mystery of the golden medallion (28:14)
  • Bon Iver, Bon Iver (44:23)

Obviously, we didn’t get through this series voluntarily; this has been a task forced upon us like a fat stripper at a rapidly deteriorating stag do. Whilst we get Series 2 warmed up for you, maybe you should check out the emotional rollercoaster of Series 1, with our many therapy sess…episodes, in our handy episode guide

Episode 14 Kraft doesn’t work

Does Sting have the prettiest forehead in rock? What happens when rubber meets the road and someone records it? 

This week we deep-dive into these 3 albums

  • Nina Simone – Wild is the wind (1:50)
  • Kraftwerk – Autobahn (14:40)
  • The Police – Regatta de Blanc (28:28)

I know what you’re thinking…did they discuss 4 albums, or only 3? To tell you the truth in all the excitement, I kind of lost count myself. Seeing as though this is a 1001 podcast, the most powerful podcast in the world and could blow your mind clean off, you have to ask yourself one question: Do I want to listen to more podcasts? Well do ya?! Punk!

Better do as the nice man says folks…Here’s the episode guide for more fun!