A brief history of music

Obviously, the album peaked in 1971, but what happened in the rest of history…?

1955 Teenagers exist, they eat burgers, buy vinyl and everyone has good hair. Boy scouting becomes less fashionable.

1963 A lot more people started taking a lot more drugs. People wear pointy footwear.

1964 Americans discover British music. Which was actually American, but now it’s British, but there was some politics about why they didn’t want to listen to it from Americans, but it’s ok as now it’s British. Cowboy music acts on the decline.

1966 Drug taking becomes mandatory. Motown in full swing, Hendrix, Sgt. Peppers, Led Zep beginning, The Monkees are selling many lunch boxes. Austin Powers is about to be cryogenically frozen.

1970 Heavy metal begins, height of the singer songwriter era, Led Zep conquer all, Kraftwerk are fumbling around with knobs. For some reason there are still French crooners. Oh, and Bowie!

1973 Glam rock, weird novelty records with whoopsy-daisy whistles, The Clash, ZZ top are here, Britain joins the common market, the New York underground scene is brimming and Dark side of the moon is released

1976 Jean Michel Jarre, height of prog, toss early punk bands, Brian Eno concept albums…yeah we’ll all agree to forget this bit

1977 Fleetwood Mac are now a) probably divorced and b) Rumours is in full flow. Cool new wave is setting the Punk scene ablaze and MEAT LOAF!!!

1985 DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYO!!!!!

1987 Many acts wearing wrestling boots and pink tigerskin, Whacko Jacko, Mancunians find drugs, LA discovers a man in a funny bandana with white cycling shorts. Sodding Bono.

1989 David Hasselhoff sings at the Berlin wall. It is knocked down shortly after.

1992 Moping teenagers in garages, anti-Bush power rap, glowsticks, Linford Christie wins gold!

1996 Corduory and pork pie hats, shiiiiiiiine, Oasis play Knebworth, Jarvis sticks it to the man, the world is a better place, dear lord this is the last we’ll see of these Halcyon days. Sigh.

2000 Nu Metal’s fusion of Rap-Metal goes mainstream as Limb Bizket & Papa Roach burn through barriers of both genre and good taste.

2002 Coldplay, lots of bands beginning with ‘The’, Craig David, Bjork is for some reason still allowed in a studio.

2004 A year of mercy – Indie has a small revival, RnB realises not everything has to be in da club, Dance music is not just album covers with fit girls on for Ibiza bellends.

2007 The onset of milennial music and lots of bands the Guardian like. Pop reality shows churn out sacks of skin with Toni and Guy haircuts.

2009 Arseholes with banjos and ukeleles. Lots of band reform because the music died. All of it. Even Blur. Kanye begins his meteoric rise by grabbing microphones.

2016 The Guardian and Tesco music aisle seem to be running music. Stupid breathy singers who sound like oxygen starved owls being bred on a farm for xmas adverts. Awful ballad singers being created in focus groups to empower people. Mockneys. Bjork, still….really!!?? Bowie finally returns to his home planet.

2020 Music has now been replaced by an out of office email. The charts now sit somewhere between those vying for the Bond sountrack and others thinking people still watch the Brit Awards.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: